Some people don’t want to be promoted. If this is you, keep on reading to discover 101 things that you can do to keep from being promoted at work.
Here are 101 ways to prevent being promoted at work.
#101. Complain about problems without offering potential solutions. Criticism is an underrated gift.
#100. Don’t show up for work ready to work. You want to ease into the day.
#99. Criticize the success of others. Tearing others down makes you look good by comparison.
#98. Have a plan that does not support the company’s vision.
#97. Don’t do the work. If you wait, someone else will do it.
#96. Treat each customer interaction like an unwelcome interruption.
#95. Be a busybody. To avoid being promoted, you need to have your ears open.
#94. Ignore deadlines. Deadlines are for others.
#93. Sabotage the potential success of others. You want to help them avoid the stress of additional responsibility.
#92 Falling asleep in meetings takes practice. Be prepared for the offsite meeting that is sure to come with better weather.
#91. Blame others for your mistakes because you don’t make mistakes.
#90. Resist change. Let others adapt to you.
#89. Show up late for work and meetings. They will get used to waiting for you.
#88. Procrastinate. Tomorrow is always better.
#87. Be self-centered. The world does revolve around you.
#86. Don’t show initiative. You want to avoid unrealistic expectations.
#85. Do the bare minimum to keep your job. If they wanted more, they would have set a maximum.
#84. Gossip. Frequency and duration are important factors.
#83. Assume the worst-case scenario.
#82. Come to work exhausted from staying up to late. You are a proponent of flextime.Being promoted at work can be avoided by focusing on actions that are beneficial to yourself, rather than the company. #being promoted #satire Click To Tweet
#81. Refuse to take risks. Keep your head down and stay safe.
#80. Lose your temper often. Express yourself; people need to hear your voice.
#79. Dump your work on others. This will help your coworker’s personal development.
#78. Publicly challenge your immediate supervisor.
#77. Wait for permission to seek advancement.
#76. Complain and complain some more. And if that doesn’t work, enlist your coworkers to join your efforts.
#75. Ignore clear direction and constructive criticism from your immediate manager.
#74. Take long personal calls at your desk while you are not on a break.
#73. Never admit a mistake.
#72. Spread rumors. Drama in the workplace is a great remedy for boredom.
#71. Argue about politics at your desk. As a bonus, consider discussing politics with your customers as well.
#70. Be insensitive to the feelings of others. You can help them develop a thicker skin.
#69. Curse loudly and often for everyone to hear.
#68. Be confrontational in every interaction. Speaking the truth is more important than harmony.
#67. Never compliment a coworker.
#66. Be judgmental. You can help others because you know what’s best for others.
#65. Never leave your desk for a break or lunch.
#64. Refuse to listen to others. Listening is unnecessary unless you are speaking.
#63. Confuse conditional promises with binding promises. Every promise you make is conditional.
#62. Act like your employer is lucky to have you. Because they are lucky to have you.
#61. Excessive flattery. If you are going to use flattery, be insincere and over the top sarcastic.
#60. Refuse to accept help.
#59. Be two-faced. Just remember which face to show to the right person.
#58. Consistently don’t show up. They expect you to take unexpected personal days.
#57. Act as if you are indispensable because you are.
#56. Be abrupt. Getting straight to the point is a lost skill.
#55. Interrupt others. Teaching them the survival of the fittest is a gift.
#54. Emphasize quantity while ignoring quality.
#53. Be impatient.
#52. Threaten to leave repeatedly.
#51. Coast on yesterday’s accomplishments. Whatever you did was exhausting, and it was enough for a while.
50 Additional ways to avoid being promoted at work.
#50. Have a consistently lousy attitude.
#49. Become complacent.
#48. Ignore your primary responsibility to do more enjoyable tasks.
#47. Never speak up.
#46. Pick fights. What happens in Fight Club stays in Fight Club.
#45. Ignore constructive criticism from your colleagues.
#44. Refuse to help others.
#43. Discuss conspiracy theories.Being promoted at work can be avoided by nurturing a contrarian attitude. #beingpromoted #satire Click To Tweet
#42. Work on a side business on company time.
#41. Don’t return phone calls promptly. In fact, don’t return any calls for good measure.
#40. Have unrealistic expectations.
#39. Take more breaks than are scheduled.
#38. Take 2-hour lunches.
#37. Have a chip on your shoulder because attitude is important.
#36. Refuse to follow the company guidelines and policies. Whoever wrote them didn’t know how exceptional you would be.
#35. Fail to maintain licenses, certifications, and course work required for employment.
#34. Expect to be taken advantage of by others. Others might steal your ideas, so keep them to yourself.
#33. Keep a record of past wrongs. Excel documents are incredibly useful in tracking these.
#32. Don’t set measurable goals.
#31. Backstab your boss. He, or she, is used to it. They probably backstabbed their way up the corporate ladder and expected this from you.
#30. Eat by yourself. You don’t need anyone else.
#29. Dress inappropriately for the job. Dress codes are for wimps.
#28. Break confidentiality.
#27. Harbor resentment.
#26. Require constant manager interaction. Her job is to manage, so you are increasing her job security,
#25. Openly question everything instead of doing the work.
#24. Break your promises.
#23. Refuse to learn new things. You know what works for you.
#22. Be unfaithful in small things.
#21. Be unwilling to speak the truth when asked.
#20. Be inconsiderate.
#19. Blame others. You know it is never your fault.
#18. Generate numerous complaint calls for your boss.
#17. Make excuses.
#16. Be so competitive that others don’t want to work with you.
#15. Have an opinion on everything.
#14. Use shame to diminish others.Being promoted at work can be avoided by consistently limiting your availability to be at work and perform your job duties. #beingpromoted #satire Click To Tweet
#13. Bully others.
#12. Be a manipulator.
#11. Refuse to have difficult conversations.
The top 10 ways to prevent being promoted are:
#10. Brag about your accomplishments.
#9. Liberate company supplies for your personal benefit. It’s not stealing if you work there.
#8. Come to work drunk or impaired.
#7. Please give them a reason to administer a polygraph.
#6. Fail a drug test. No one has a right to tell you how to behave in your own time.
#5. Neglect personal hygiene. You can help the environment by going au natural.
#4. Expect someone else to fix a problem you created and are responsible for.
#3. Fall asleep at your desk. Not going to bed on time the night before is an excellent way to excel at this. Be careful; they may assume you are sleepy because you are working too hard and want to be promoted.
#2. Trash your boss, company, coworkers, or customers on social media. Be sure and post it to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and highlight it on Linkedin.
And the #1 way to avoid being promoted at work is:
#1. Interview for another job while at work. To truly be effective, make sure that others can hear you and that you cannot take work-related calls while on the interview.
Call to Inaction.
If you do the 101 things above, you are unlikely ever to get promoted. As a bonus, if you do them continually, you are an odds on favorite to be soon looking for another job!
Yes, this was intended as *satire. But sadly, you will recognize some of your coworkers on this list. And if we are honest, we probably have been guilty of a few of these as well.
* The Peter Principle was originally intended as satire but became a perennial bestseller in the business sector.
If you are interested, here is the best career advice I ever received.